Rekindling the Flame: How to Fix a Sexless Marriage

What if we have different sex drives? How often should we have sex? What if we’re not having any sex at all lately? Even though things started with non-stop lust, any couple can wind up in a rut. A major part of their connection has been cut off. You may feel more like roommates than lovers.

Some couples might be okay with a sexless marriage. Most aren’t. The good news is that if you address this situation in a healthy way, you can rebuild your intimate bond. You can feel connected again. Let’s explore a little more about rekindling the flame.

Sexless Marriage: Why Does It Happen?

It can start due to seemingly unrelated issues. For example, health problems can very much impact your sex life. These might include:

  • Certain medications have side effects that reduce arousal
  • Hormone imbalance
  • Mental health disorders
  • Serious medical conditions can push sex to the periphery
  • Infertility and childbirth can shift sexual patterns and perceptions

In addition, couples undergoing major life changes or enduring marital strife may feel like sex is the furthest thing from their minds. Without healthy communication, all of the above can unknowingly plant a seed that blossoms into a sexless marriage.

Speaking of Communication

Topics revolving around your sex life can feel awkward or even embarrassing. It’s understandable that couples sometimes avoid such conversations. However, this will not rekindle your connection. On the contrary, it can delay any resolution at all. Keep in mind:

  • You’ll need to find a time that’s good for both of you and have that first tricky conversation.
  • Stay respectful and compassionate. There is zero positive value in accusations or panic.
  • Give each other space to express emotions, needs, wants, and desires.
  • Talk about sex. Discuss what you like and how much fun you’ve had when getting intimate.
  • Be upfront about fears, doubts, dysfunction, etc. Now is the time to practice being vulnerable.
  • Be patient. You probably won’t find a solution immediately. Commit to ongoing communication.

As you develop stronger and stronger communication skills, you can focus on other options to reconnect.

Other Ways to Fix a Sexless Marriage


Since so few people talk about sex in this manner, you may wonder if anyone else understands what you’re going through. Some wisely chosen self-education can demystify sexual issues and make you feel less “broken.” Embarking on this effort together can deepen your bond.

Reconsider Intimacy

While you take steps toward reigniting your sex life, you can become more appreciative of physical affection of all types. No matter how often you’re having sex, you should always embrace opportunities to hug, cuddle, kiss, hold hands, etc. Make eye contact, leave notes for each other, and be generous with your compliments. All of this can enrich your life while moving you closer to a renewed sex life.

Schedule Sex

Leaving it to chance is currently not working, so why not prioritize sex in your busy schedule? Even if sex is scheduled, you can be spontaneous and experimental once things start happening. Take turns being the initiator. Talk about new positions and fantasies. Buy some sex toys, and don’t only have sex in your bedroom.

Be Present

Sometimes, a couple becomes sexless because they have just been going through the motions. Commit to being mindful and present — not just when having sex but in all facets of your life. This will inject freshness and excitement back into the mix.

If You Don’t Know Where to Start

This entire process can be smoother when done in the presence of a skilled, unbiased guide. Let’s connect soon to talk about your options.

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