5 Ways to Tune Into What You Really Want in Your Relationship
1. Take a Personal Inventory
What kind of person are you? You may imagine yourself dating someone adventurous, but, in reality, you’re a mellow, low-key person. It makes a huge difference to have a strong, clear sense of yourself in terms of:
- Values and beliefs
- Loner vs. extrovert
- High or low libido
- Financial needs
- Active vs. sedentary
- Morning person or evening person
The list goes on to include interests like travel, sports, fashion, and more. Is your job a big part of your life or just a way to pay the bills? Then, of course, there are potentially major issues like:
- How open are you to relocating?
- Do you want to have children or not?
- Does your partner have to be of the same religion and/or ethnicity?
Get yourself a journal and start making lists. And if you’re already in a relationship, the next four tips are specifically for you.
2. Do You Have Unmet Needs?
Relationships can become habitual. At some point, you fall into a rhythm and tune out thoughts about what is missing. Tune back in and ask yourself how you feel — right here and right now — about the connection you’ve created:
- Do you trust your partner and feel that they trust you?
- Are you valued for who you are?
- Does it feel like either of you is being taken for granted?
- How’s your sex life?
- Do you get the emotional support you need?
You don’t have to settle. Look inward, assess your needs, and find healthy ways to express them to your partner.
3. Take Some Alone Time
We’re raised with the expectation that “soul mates” do everything together. On the contrary, this is a recipe for trouble. Partners need to have independent lives, including their own interests, friends, and more. So, take some solo time. Reconnect with yourself and contemplate where you feel you might be over-compromising in your life.
4. Do a Vibe Check
How do you feel when you see your partner? Does your heart still skip a beat, or do you leave the house with a kiss goodbye? Are you inspiring each other and still setting goals together? Tune into your intuition and ask yourself if things feel like they’re on a healthy track.
5. Ask For Help
Talk to trusted friends and family members about their relationships. We’re not talking about a gripe session. Rather, start a conversation about discovering what you really want as opposed to what you’re expected to want.
Ask For Professional Help
Whether you are single or in a relationship, therapy is a proven path for self-exploration. It is hard to know if you’re getting what you want if you’re not in touch with your deepest self. This kind of work is often successful in a therapy setting. To gain the support of an experienced guide, I suggest you reach out to schedule a free and confidential consultation.
